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Rager Band Director
Dear Herby,

Several years ago, the world's greatest singer appointed me to be the director of a hot, new bluegrass band called the Rager Band.  We immediately signed a long-term contract with a reputable booking agency called Lower Management.  We started out strong with a three-day run at the world reknowned Sally Mountain Bluegrass Festival.  I was envisioning playing 150 dates a year and traveling around the country in a big, fancy bus.  Unfortunately, none of that has come to pass.  The other festivals don't seem to be interested in booking us.  We even tried having Sassy dance around onstage and do her Avril Lavigne impersonation, but nothing seems to be working.  Some people just don't appreciate a slick, polished show like ours. 

Herby, do you think that this is all my fault or is Lower Management just a bunch of slackers?  Should I resign my position and let my executive assistant and soon to be high school graduate Brie Farkosh run the show?  Or maybe we just need a better booking agent.  Herby, can you make any recommendations in that area?

The Phoenix Son

Dear Herby, I see that your advice regarding letting the wife bait her own hooks has worked. Just as you said, she doesn't want to go fishin again . I figured out how to catch the scorpions with some stats and destingerized them with my ole pocket knife. I destingerized the big ones and let the small ones keep their organs. Unfortunately, the wife grabbed the wrong bait cup. On a lighter note, it atually snowed in Arizona a few days ago. I was out and about lookin for that illusive fishin hole when I encountered a bunch of motorcyclists warmin up at a truck stop during a heavy snowstorm. What an amusing sight. When they left, they headed right into the thick of it. I wondered if that was just a result of poor trip planning and they really needed to get home or if they had planned to do that to see how tuff they were.  I had an impulse to go out and get a tattoo but thought better of it.  Whats your story?                                                                  

Kimberly Williams
Sorry Folks......

"Dear Herby" is taking a hiatus from his regular job as "advice giver" () while he concentrates the next couple of days on his hobby of being a "Booking Agent!" 

"Dear Herby" will return later....

I guess everyone is entitle to at least ONE hobby!!!

Mike Garlock
Dear Herby (This is a test),

    I bogeyed the last two holes in the Golf League tonight for two over, how can I stop doing that?  Mike G.
Herby Imposter

Only play 16 holes.  

Dear Herby,

I understand you are on hiatus from your duties as both psychologist and Herbal doctor but I shall pose this question to be read at a later date. 

I watched the Pens and the gorgeous Sidney Crosby beat up on those RedWings tonight.   First of all, what a game!! Secondly, I appear to be facing a great dilemma. Every time I watch a hockey game, I seem to become so enthralled in the game that I lose control of my mouth.  Is there a way of controlling my mouth, or am I doomed?

I'm sure there's bound to be a chapter in the "Herb's Book on How to be a Trophy Wife"  that addresses this issue. (I'm confused. Is it trophy wife now?)   


Pottymouth Pitre

Mike Garlock
Hi H-I,

    Where were you last night when I needed you on the 17th Tee?  Mike G.
Herby Imposter

Mike G. - Is your golf game such that the best part of the round is the cold beer in the clubhouse afterwards ?    

Mike Garlock
Hi H-I,

    I can Multi-task.  I can switch from Driving Golf Balls to Nails at Will.  Mike G.
I'M BACK!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the delay in answering your questions, I've been in Music City USA. I booked a corporate gig at the Opryland Hotel for a LARGE Financial group. I provided entertainment for Wed. and Thur. On Wed. we had blues guitarist/singer Rory Block perform for the reception. Then the lovely Amber Burks played the harp throughout dinner. After dinner Mike Costley from Palm Springs Ca. performed 2 sets. On Thursday...we featured Americana Music for the folks. (If you don't eat caviar, and prefer the fish that produced it, then you can call it Bluegrass.) Williams and Clark Expedition got the night kicked off, followed by Amber Burks on the Harp, accompanied by Chris Sexton on Cello for dinner....then we turned Nothin Fancy loose on them. Holy Cow!!!!!! What a night!!!! What a couple of days!!!!! Needless to say the client was extremely happy, and a good time was had by all.
Unfortunately it looks like I got way behind on my real job here on the MB. I beeter get caught up.....

Dear RBD....It takes time!!!!! For crying out loud man....Rome wasn't built in a day. I know those 3 days at Sally Mountain gave you a taste of the good life, but it's not always like going to be like that.
I think Brie would be a great asset to your company. But, don't give up. Keep smilin' and dialin. Those jobs will come for you. They say a great salesperson will have a closing ratio of 1 out of 3. That means 2 out of 3 are telling you to take a hike. Accentuate the positive...Forget the negative. You'll be fine!!!!!

Dear Phoenix Son....Glad to hear my advice worked. This could be first.

Those motorcycle folks will sometimes make ya scratch your head in bewilderment. I attribute their trip planning to "1 too many falls on the noggin" Sure would've been fun to watch though.

Dear Mike G.....Who is this Herby Imposter????? I thought they broke the mold when they made me...Could there be 2 of us????

I need to know if you started pounding nails on #1 or later. Your fluid level could've been off. This would explain the 2 bogeys. You don't want to attempt golf if you're a quart low, or overfilled. Both can be bad for your game. The fluid level is usually just right when you can tolerate the wife playing with you. Or, when your best friends old jokes start sounding funny again. Then you know your fluid level is right. Remember this the next time you go out on the course.

Dear PP...errrrrr a   Pottymouth Pitre. Try this....the next time you're watching a game, and feel the urge, fill your mouth with popcorn. When you start yelling at the TV, popcorn will go everywhere, and you'll have to clean up the mess. This always works. If you get as excited as I think you do, you'll be finding popcorn for months. A good lesson for us all.

Have a great day Y'all
Herby Imposter

Who is this Herby Imposter????? I thought they broke the mold when they made me...Could there be 2 of us????


2 of us ? Not unless Herby has a lot of "canine" in him !!!  

Not much "Dawg" in me....I much prefer the "Roar of the Tiger" Speaking of, Dawg, I was reading a couple of preseason college football magazines on the flight to Nashburg. One had the Jawja Bulldawgs as pre season national champs, and the other had them ranked 3rd in the SEC behind Florida and Tennessee. What's your take on this? Some think "The Ohio St." will play USC in the championship game, because OSU doesn't have any competition in the weak Big 10, and their only challenge will be USC in Sept. USC doesn't have any competition in the PAC 10 either. While the 2 best conferences...SEC and Big 12 will beat up on each other, and won't have a representative in the big game. OSU and USC can both absorb a loss in Sept. and still run the table, and be in prime position come Dec. Sorry Gary, I'm tired of seeing OSU getting whipped in the BIG game. It's time to give someone else a shot.
I also read 4 of the top 10 preseason teams come from the Big 12, and 3 from the SEC.
It won't be long till the season will be upon us. GO MIZZOU!!!!!
The Ol' Dawg

Dear Herby - It'll be a "tough row to hoe" for the Dawgs to get there - The bullseye is now painted on their back. The particular point of concern is consecutive road games at Florida and LSU towards the end of the season - If I'm not mistaken, both opponents have bye weeks leadin' up to that game. Last year, EVERY team in the SEC that had the bye week before a big conference game came home victorious. As far as Ohio State is concerned, I think that, no matter what they do this year, they will not be given a chance to play for another title by the pollsters. Everbody should realize that every year is a new team and a different situation, but, I think that the pollsters will hold their past failures in the championship game against 'em, which would be totally unfair to the Buckeyes. I would think that the USC Trojans is pretty much a "lock" for the championship game, unless they stumble to Arizona State (who also has a home game in Tempe against the Dawgs) or, possibly, Oregon. I think it's entirely possible that a "darkhorse" team (Big East, maybe?) could come out of nowhere and land a title shot. I would be surprised if Kansas had a similar year to last year, and Texas could very well be over-rated again, leavin' Oklahoma and Mizzou to settle it again in the Big 12. I don't think that the ACC has a team capable of challenging for one of the top two spots either. As always, I was GREATLY disappointed that talks of a playoff has been shot down yet again this spring. Guess we're doomed to more of the same bogus College Football Political Primaries, which allows Tourism Departments to determine a champion (?). If folks will quit goin' to these meaningless bowl games, the climate for a playoff will surely change, but, as long as they can continue to "line their coffers", it will be status quo - And, Colllege Football deserves better than that.

Mike B
Don't overlook MY Tigers this year, guys!  If the q'back situation is settled early, this could be a great year.

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